### Introduction:
**Donald Trump**: The flamboyant and ostentatious former leader of the free world, known for his love of gold-plated everything and tweets that could move markets.
**Angela Merkel**: The stoic and pragmatic former Chancellor of Germany, who has the uncanny ability to make even the most complex geopolitics seem like an orderly spreadsheet.
**Greta Thunberg**: The passionate and fiery teenage climate activist, known for her piercing speeches and unwavering commitment to saving the planet from imminent doom.
### Setting:
Our characters find themselves in a most unusual setting: a climate summit-themed escape room in Berlin. The walls are covered with maps of melting ice caps and rising sea levels. A large digital countdown clock ominously ticks down from 90 minutes, representing the urgency of climate action.
### Script:
**Trump:** (Adjusting his red tie in the reflection of a polar bear poster) So, this is what they call an escape room? I thought it was just one of my briefings. Lots of numbers, very… confusing.
**Merkel:** (Hands clasped in her signature diamond shape) Yes, Herr Trump. But unlike your briefings, this one requires a solution. We must work together to escape the impending climate catastrophe.
**Greta:** (Rolling her eyes) If only it were as easy as escaping a room. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t have an emergency exit.
**Trump:** (Waving dismissively) Well, Greta, I’ve built many exits in my hotels. Beautiful exits. The best, really. Maybe the world just needs a good contractor!
**Merkel:** (Chuckling softly) Perhaps, but we can’t just build walls to stop climate change.
**Greta:** (With intensity) Exactly! We need to radically change our policies, reduce emissions, and stop treating the Earth like your personal golf course.
**Trump:** (Feigning surprise) Hey, my golf courses are beautiful, just like the planet should be. And speaking of courses, did anyone bring a snack? This room is lacking in amenities.
**Merkel:** (Sighing) Herr Trump, we are here to discuss the implications of the latest climate report and how we can avert a global crisis.
**Greta:** (Interjecting) We are running out of time. The ice caps are melting faster than the ice in your gin and tonic.
**Trump:** (With a smirk) Ah, I’ve always said, climate change goes in cycles. Like my TV ratings. Up, down, but always great.
**Merkel:** (Patiently) The reality is, if we do nothing, the next cycle may be catastrophic.
**Greta:** (Passionately) It’s not just about numbers. It’s about survival. We are on the brink of an irreversible disaster!
**Trump:** (Pretending to be deep in thought) Hmm, irreversible… sounds like a bad investment.
**Merkel:** (Trying to steer back the discussion) We need a practical approach. Perhaps a new international policy?
**Greta:** (Sarcastically) Or maybe a magic wand?
**Trump:** (Winking) Hey, I’ve got a wand. I mean, I won the presidency, didn’t I?
**Merkel:** (Shaking her head) Let us focus on tangible actions. Renewable energy, international cooperation…
**Greta:** (Nodding) And holding those accountable who contribute the most to the problem.
**Trump:** (Pointing at Greta) You’re a tough negotiator for someone who can’t even vote yet.
**Greta:** (Coldly) And you’re a tough negotiator for someone who almost never followed through on his promises.
**Merkel:** (Intervening) The clock is ticking. Perhaps we should consider a joint declaration?
**Trump:** (Grinning) A declaration? Can I sign it with a Sharpie?
**Greta:** (With an eye-roll) As long as it’s not in invisible ink.
**Merkel:** (Calmly) Let’s all agree to take this seriously. The world is watching.
**Trump:** (With dramatic flair) Alright, alright. I’ll be serious. But let’s make sure we get some good press out of it.
**Greta:** (With a hint of sarcasm) Because that’s what really matters.
**Merkel:** (Diplomatically) Let’s focus on the outcome. A safer planet for all.
### Conclusion:
As the digital clock hits zero, the escape room door swings open, not because they solved the puzzle, but because the time ran out. They stand awkwardly, realizing that the real challenge is yet to come.
**Trump:** (With a shrug) Well, I guess we escaped. Sort of.
**Greta:** (Turning to leave) If only real life was that forgiving.
**Merkel:** (To herself) Perhaps next time we should try a different approach.
As they exit, the countdown clock resets itself, a reminder that the climate crisis waits for no one.
**Trump:** (In an unexpected moment of self-awareness) Next time, can we do a golf course instead? I’m much better with holes in one.
And with that, they part ways, each pondering their own role in the unfolding global drama.
—
**Source Context:**
**Satirical Title:** “Trump’s Latest Real Estate Venture: Deportee B&Bs in Europe”
**Satirical Summary:** In a surprising twist to immigration policy, former President Trump has suggested sending deportees to Europe instead of Africa, effectively pushing the colonial guilt buck onto the old world. Critics are already speculating about a possible chain of “Trump Deportee B&Bs” popping up across European capitals.
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